1. Knock and wait for me to say “come in” before entering my room.
When she was younger she had no problem with you walking right in. But now she wants her privacy and wants more control. One of the most embarrassing things for a girl is for her dad to walk in while she is getting dressed.
2. Do not call me a “Drama Queen” or say “Stop being so dramatic!”
This really bothers girls. They don’t always know why they get so upset and often feel badly about being so emotional. Their brain reacts intensely to things as they head in to adolescence. Try to empathize and feel into that it is a big deal to them.
3. When I am upset or hurt, don’t respond with a dumb joke.
For example, your daughter comes to you and says she hurt her elbow, and you say “Do you want me to cut it off?” She is looking for empathy and does not appreciate your humor at this time.
4. I expect you to follow the same rules.
This doesn’t apply across the board because we are adults and can have different rules. But be mindful of what you are modeling. For example, if you are out to dinner and expect her to be off of her phone, then it would be good for you to model social etiquette by being off your phone also. At home my kids have screen free day on Wednesdays, but I don’t participate as I have work I need to get done. Your daughter will probably let you know which ‘rules’ bother her that you are not following and you can assess whether it is appropriate for you to do the same.
5. My teachers and I put enough pressure on myself to get high grades, I don’t need more pressure from you.
Kids are filled with anxiety these days. Seventh graders are worried about what college they will get in to and what career they will have. Teachers tell them their grades matter. Be supportive but don’t put pressure them to get all A’s.
6. Try to be calmer when you think I’ve been on screens all day and check in with me.
I think us parents all over tend to yell at our kid, “How long have you been on there?! Get off and do something else!” Takes some deep breaths when you feel yourself getting upset and thinking your daughter has been on screens for 10 hours and they are addicted, and their brain is going to turn to mush. I’ve been there! Ask questions to see how they feel when they have been on screens so long? Many girls I talk to will say they lose all sense of time and then feel less motivated after being on screens.
7. Middle school is tough, it can be hard to make friends because everyone has their own groups.
It’s helpful to have friends outside of school, via sports, and other groups so that she has a chance to experience different friendships.
Zen Y’all,
Kim Davies
Girls Rock Empowerment classes offer a safe and nonjudgemental space for middle schoolers to relax and be themselves. Girls explore their friendships, self-esteem, negative self-talk, life with a cell phone and other topics pertinent to their life. Classes are kept small to foster connection. Classes and camps are in Portland, Oregon.