My parenting goal is to have open dialogue, and hope my daughter comes around to making decisions I support, without me telling her what to do! Okay, that sounds incredibly manipulative, but it’s the truth! When she can come to her own conclusions, she is empowered.
Recently, I walked over to the home computer, and found my tween daughter was watching a video on YouTube with some somber music and an anime picture in the background. Words scrolled over the screen. Dramatic words. Words of heartache. Bullying. Hacking. I asked if I could watch the video with her. My daughter scoffed and acted irritated with me. I got the idea she wanted me to watch it on my own, so I did.
Then I stumbled onto another video. It was a short video and it showed screen shots of kids saying angry words to each other. One person was talking about cutting and then showed a picture of it. My daughter had seen this video. I was appalled and wished my daughter hadn’t seen it.
So I decided to have a little chat with her.
I asked her what she knew about cutting. I was shocked when she said she learned about it 2 years ago! We talked about cutting and how it is an unsafe way to deal with stress. She thought it was a form of suicide. I told her I wished they would talk with a trusted adult instead of sharing these troubles online.
I was impressed with my daughter’s ability to keep her head on her shoulders. She talked about how the girls in the videos express how much they care about each other and love each other. But that she thought it was a bit over the top. After our discussion, she decided to unsubscribe from this particular YouTuber.
Since that discussion had gone so well, I took it further. We talked about online relationships, suicide, and I decided to throw in anorexia, and pedophiles.
Okay, I now realize I went a little overboard.
The next day my daughter reported that she didn’t sleep well and she was afraid of someone breaking in and taking her.
In reaching my Parenting goal with her, I made mistakes since I scared the crap out of her. But ultimately, I’m glad we talked and that we both learned to set new boundaries for ourselves.
Parenting is a fine line between exposing and sheltering. I want to protect my child yet I want her to be wise and make good decisions.
The fine balance of parental protection, education, and awareness is super tricky.
Here are my suggestions for dealing with relationships on and off line.
- Monitor what your daughter is watching on YouTube. Check the history and check who she is subscribed to. You can make all her subscriptions (she’ll call them ‘subs’) come through your email so you can see them.
- Teach your daughter that we don’t really know who people are on line.
- Remind her that real life happens in the offline world.
- Discourage getting involved with other kids drama on line. Dissuade your daughter from making comments on YouTube channels.
- Encourage your daughter to tell friends facing a big challenge to talk to a trusted adult.
Question:
Relationships online. They feel real. Can you really know someone on the internet?
Have you had any questionable incidents with your daughter online?