I just finished watching the new Netflix series 13 Reasons Why. The show is about a high schooler named Hannah Baker who commits suicide. But before she does she records 13 sides of cassette tapes, 1 for each person that she felt played a part in her decision to commit suicide. The series shows teens having sex, masturbation, spreading rumors via pictures and words on cellphones, sexual assault, drinking, drugs, and suicide. It is graphic and some scenes are disturbing. I would highly recommend watching it with your kid if you decide that it is beneficial for them to watch.
I had decided that I wasn’t quite ready to expose my 13 and and 15 year old to the content yet. But then my middle school daughter came home and said “everyone” was talking about this show 13 Reasons Why. I asked my freshman son and he said half of his health class was talking about it.
So if you’ve got a tween or teen I recommend you inquire what they may be watching on Netflix. This show is graphic, disturbing and brings up a lot of issues to discuss with your child. But it’s also intriguing and done in such a way you want to keep watching.
The other main character is Clay. He is in love with Hannah but doesn’t let her know. He is a good demonstration of how teens sometimes don’t know how to talk to their parents about their feelings and he is struggling inside. Almost all of the characters don’t talk to their parents until near the end of the show when the parents find out that their teen actually knew Hannah.
Open communication with your teens is paramount to being able to support them. I know when I was a teen I didn’t talk at all to my parents about what was going on. I want it to be different with my kids. Shows like this definitely provide a platform to talk about these important issues.
It is easier for both parents and teens to talk about these issues when it isn’t directly about them.
Through the lens of each character, we see each person’s struggle with the aftermath of Hannah’s suicide as they question their behavior and decisions. You also get to see what it can be like for a teen to experience a lot of little mistreatments, that snowball and really impact Hannah’s mental state.
1) Your kid could be watching this show already because kids are talking about it. And you may not know she/he is watching it. Although I think it’s appropriate for teens to watch, I’m more UNcomfortable with middle schoolers watching it. However if they are going to sneak to watch it, it’s better to be there for them to discuss the issues than to forbid them from watching it.
2) The show brings up so many talking points/ questions that it is a great conduit to have some deep conversations with your kids. I recommend watching it with your kid if at all possible.
3) Every kid is different in their development. I recommend you use your intuition whether you think your child can handle watching it. Watch some of it yourself first. The first 3 episodes are fairly moderate. The show gets more intense after Episode 3.
As I write this I haven’t decided whether I want my 13 year old daughter to watch this yet. However she found the book online and started reading it. My son hasn’t shown interest in it but I would let him watch it. I don’t think it is appropriate for 5th graders (They are stressed out about their transition to middle school!).
Warning: I was so into it I wanted to keep watching it. I found I became obsessed with it and couldn’t wait to watch more. Your child my invariably feel the same way.
Questions for discussion: Many questions don’t have a right or wrong answer. Life is messy and not in black and white. It’s more about the discussion and figuring out values.
- When is it okay to take pictures with your cell phone?
If you take a picture that shows a compromising position, what should you do with it? - How did the group of athletic boys treat each other? What masks (image they tried to project) did they wear?
- Do you think Bryce thought about the consequences of texting that picture of Hannah to the entire school?
- What do you think Justin was struggling with regarding his relationship with Bryce and Jessica after the scene at the party happened?
- How is Tyler’s experience like Hannah’s? He may be choosing to deal with it differently, and with dire consequences.
- Hannah saw her parents struggling with finances. At one point they talk about using her college fund. Hannah held the belief “I am a burden to my family.” How else could she have interpreted her parents choice not to use her college fund to cover current expenses?
- What do you think Jessica Davis was feeling after she found out she was raped?
- What did you think of how Mr. Porter handled the last conversation with Hannah about rape?
- What does giving consent for sex look like?
- Is it okay for someone to change their mind about wanting sex in the heat of the moment?
- Why did Bryce think it was okay to do what he did?
- Drinking can cloud your judgement. What poor decisions did some of the characters make while drinking?
- Why did Hannah not tell anyone about the sexual assault?
- What would you do if you were sexually assaulted?
- The kids and adults had various opinions on whether they were or were not responsible for Hannah’s death. What do you think?
- Can you feel compassion for each character’s perspective? Do you believe people do the best they can in the moment? Do you have less compassion for some characters than others?
There are important points in this movie for both boys and girls.
Let me know your thoughts on this!
Sincerely,
Portland Summer Camps for girls entering 6th-10th grade in SW Portland
More info. here
Camps are small so register soon!
July 17-21st (6th-8th graders)
July 24th-28th (8th-10th graders)
August 7th-11th (6th-8th graders)