Emotions up and down?
Ugh!
My daughter used to be so happy, now her emotions are on a roller coaster.
She’s not even a teen yet?
How am I going to survive the tween years?
If you are anything like me, some days I handle my daughters emotions quite well, other days, not so much. One day I heard demanding words come out of my mouth while my brain was saying, don’t say those things! I was literally witnessing what I DIDN’T want to say! Has that ever happened to you?
I was a slave to my emotional brain, unable to connect to any sound reason. Here are some tips so your brain doesn’t get hijacked.
3 Tips To Break Free From Your Daughter’s Emotions
1) Take Some Deep Breaths
It takes 90 seconds for an emotion to go through our body. 90 seconds, that’s it! Emotion = Energy in Motion. Taking a few deep breaths allows the time and space for this process to move through you.
2) Ask
What am I choosing to believe in this moment? If you really pay attention to the thoughts going through your head, you will see clearly why you are so upset. For example: Your daughter’s room is a mess and she doesn’t even care! You envision her house as an adult a mess. She’ll never have a clean house. No one will want to marry her. You’ll never have grandchildren! Eeyore has taken over your mind!
3) Self-Compassion
Guess What? Your experience in this moment is similar to what your daughter is going through. She’s scared, reactive, and her logical brain has been hijacked. It has been replaced by a ‘story’ or beliefs usually involving the words ‘never’ or ‘always’. For example, “I’ll never have friends again!” Or I’’m always the one being left out.” Connecting to your feelings can help you feel empathy for what your daughter is going through. And therefore more able to be present to her feelings.
The Heart of the Matter
While you are hugging your daughter, imagine your two hearts connecting together via a bridge of golden light. Take deep breaths which will encourage her to match her breath with your own deep breaths. This creates a special connection between the two of you. Before you know it, you’ll both come out the other side of the emotional roller coaster and be able to think rationally and look at options to resolve the problem or maybe there really isn’t a problem to solve… it was just energy in motion.
What’s Next?
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What techniques have worked for you to calm down your emotions?
Photo credit: The Nick Page / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)