I Statement
Girls often get in to conflicts because they are afraid to be direct and ask for what they need. Instead they may complain about a friend to another friend, or keep what’s wrong inside – secretly stewing about it without telling their friend directly what is wrong.
I introduced the 4th and 5th graders to the concept of “I Statements” taken from Vicki Savini’s book “Ignite the Light.”
This I statement approach is a little different than the Saturday Night Live style of being ultra direct. Check out this funny video!
The “I Statement” is a great way for girls to move beyond blame and to express how they are feeling and what they are needing. As Savini mentions in her book it is very important to make sure your need does not rely on the other persons fulfillment of it, as they may not be able to do so. We have no control over another person. By having control over fulfilling our own needs we are empowering ourselves. You give away your power when you try to have others fulfill your needs. Someone asked what is your power? One girls said “Your voice.” Another said “Your Inner Unicorn!” Loved that!!!
I Statement
Here is the basic structure of the I Statement:
I feel (hurt, sad, disappointed,etc.)
when (what happened)
because (why you feel this way)
What I really need is (what you need)
Example
The girls caught on quickly and we created several examples.
For example:
I feel hurt
when you don’t include me at recess
because we are friends
What I really need is a friend that will include me in games at recess.
May you embrace your inner unicorn!
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Warmly,
Kim